I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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