Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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