were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
