Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
