I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
