Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
