I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
