just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
