Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
