oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
