wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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