I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
