he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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