drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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