he wants to bone in the snuggie
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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