There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
