After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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