He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
