I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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