i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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