bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
