Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm getting married
To pizza
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We're too hungover to prance.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
