I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
