toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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