I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
