omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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