I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
