UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
