smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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