I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
