I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
