ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
