She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
