I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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