You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
