Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
