All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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