are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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