Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
