We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
