My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
