Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
