I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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