You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
