Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
