from now on my penis is your penis
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
