...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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