There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
