hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
