please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
