I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
