I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
