My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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