I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
