the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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